Monday 30 December 2013

Hungry Hungry Hunger Games

The hunger games was kinda good. I'll catch the second one on Netflix or something. What would have improved it though would have been some hungry hungry battle hippos like battle cat from masters of the universe. As you can see from the above picture it looks like a lot of fun. I've included a prawn from the movie district 9 because who doesn't want to see one of those guys riding a teal battle hippo? Communists, that's who and I'm sure as he'll not one of those!

Tuesday 24 December 2013

Home Alone

Merry Christmas everyone! Home Alone's great isn't it? I mean its terrifyingly violent for a kids move and much more imitate-able than say Call of Duty or something like that. You can't get a hold of explosives or assault rifles that easily but toy cars, string, paint pots, nails? You can create quite the assault course for mummy and daddy when they try and put you to bed. I saw the tail end of Home alone 4 the other day and it was just awful. Instead of just getting a new kid and family and having the same 'kid vs crooks' set up that was the heart of franchise. They felt the need to call the new kid 'Kevin McCallister' even though he looks nothing like him and continue on the story. His parents are split up now and he's staying with his 'Mom' for Christmas. Marv returns for some reason with a female accomplice this time and 'hilarity' ensues in a house twice the size of the mansion from the first movie. Marv is played by Harry from 'Third rock from the sun' (the one with his eyes closed the whole time) and the whole thing plays out like some sort of nightmarish cartoon complete with scooby doo revolving bookcase gag. So if you want to watch some Home Alone when you're home alone this christmas stick to the first 2. Goodnight everyone and remember to drink your ovaltine.

Monday 9 December 2013


Isn't it weird that Mohammad has the word 'Ham' in it? I thought so even if you didn't. I'm not allowed to tell you if that IS the real Mohammad or not. He could be. Maybe he isn't. If he is then fundamentalists have just cause to butcher me and torch my flesh. If not, then I'm allowed to draw him. What if I did a drawing of him and just drew his clothes because he drank an invisibility potion? It's not a drawing really as you cant see him but I know he's there. wearing those clothes. I'm confused with this whole set up. I'm just going to go draw Moses as that's less hassle.  Enjoy your day.

P.S. If Moses and Mohammad set up a business they could call it Prophets for Profit.

Monday 2 December 2013


Harry Houdini  had a trick where he would take any punch and it wouldn't affect him. Some dudes found him before his show and punched him a load of time before he could tense up ( he agreed to the punching, they didn't ambush him). He carried on with his show that night and then died of a burst appendix. The moral of this tale? If you're not well, don't go to work.  Also no matter what Hagrid from Harry Potter says, you are not a wizard.

Monday 25 November 2013

Pug Dreams

I have a dog thats not much of a dog. It's the kind of dog that goblins would have if they were real and had dogs. He looks like he's been hit in the face with a shovel and acts like that too. What do Pugs dream of? From the way my dog looks at the TV I reckon he dreams filthy dreams of Rihanna. In his dream world he's an affluent debonair gentlepug who smokes cigarettes with a cigarette holder and wears a smoking jacket. He can pull the ladies in a similar manner to Brian from Family Guy (That dog is always pulling human chicks, whats up with that?). In real life though he's barely a dog.

Monday 18 November 2013


Breaking Bad may be over but the internet still exists so you know what that means! Infinite Breaking Bad content! Forever! Here's a poster for Walt and Jessie's Burger shop. Their meat is 95% pure don't ya know! Word is that they're coming to a town near you, selling burgers from a specially kitted out RV!

Monday 11 November 2013

Goonies never say die

This comic makes me think that they should bring out a goonies board game where you have to avoid the fratellis and find one eyed willie's treasure map and treasure. You could pick any character from the whole gang and it's be fun for the whole family! A mini game would involve being chunk and having to truffle shuffle yourself thin like the guy who played him in real life!

Monday 4 November 2013

Randal and Dante's Inferno

The Divine Comedy which features the story of Dante's journey through hell with Virgil is not a very funny one. There are all kinds of people being buried alive and drowning in pits of tar etc. that sort of put a dampener on the whole jolly jape. I'd recommend the film 'Clerks' rather than the inferno as far as laughs per minute go. The Inferno does have more daemons and monsters in it but it's unfortunately lacking a game of hockey on the roof. Both are in black and white though so don't let that sway you.

Monday 28 October 2013

The Invisible Man

Happy Halloween. I hope you're all dressing up as pumpkins and things. I'll be dressing up as a turnip in honour of the olden days when we carved turnips instead of pumpkins because we didn't get pumpkins over here or something. Have you ever tried to carve a turnip? Not only is it difficult but its dangerous as hell as it resists a lot more than the pumpkin and 9 times out of 10 the knife slips and things get a little more colourful and a lot more Halloween like.

Monday 21 October 2013


Yoda has a shameful deal with vodaphone so it's only right that Admiral Ackbar has whored himself to Star-Bucks (star-bucks star-wars get it? huh? I'm hilarious). Admiral Ackbar is one of my favourite star-wars creatures as he's a giant lobster. A GIANT LOBSTER! And not only is he a giant lobster, he has managed to rise through the ranks and become an admiral! People said it couldn't be done, people said the galaxy wasn't ready for an arthropod admiral, people had their prejudices but now who's laughing. Admiral Ackbar thats who. Laughing with a multimillion alliance credit (space dollars?) deal with Star-Bucks!

Monday 14 October 2013

The Thing

Reed Richards elastic, Johnny is the Human Torch. Sue can disappear from sight and Thing? He just likes to fight. They are the four. Fantastic Four. They're making a new Fantastic Four movie (of course they are) and they're gonna maybe have some black dude as the human torch (of course they are). The internet has a lot to say about this. I'm not sure that I do. Maybe you should go on the internet and see what people are saying? Maybe not. Maybe you're already on the internet reading this. Maybe you should form your own opinion? All I know is that the movie wont be better than John Carpenter's The Thing. That movie is awesome. It has a head with spider legs and Kurt Russell and flamethrowers and snow and a black guy! What more could you want?

Monday 7 October 2013


So theres some new 'Pokemon' game coming out on Saturday and I know a couple of guys going to the launch. Apparently the latest innovation that sets this one apart is the fact that you can move diagonally!
Thats right folks you head me, DIAGONALLY! Sweet jesus nintendo just take my money! Take it!!! Can you imagine walking about not just up the screen and across the screen but diagonally! I'd also like to add that I wish they'd add Bulba-fett as some sort of evolutionary form of Bulbasaur because, well just look how awesome he is. He's 7 to the power of 4 awesome and I don't even know what that means but it sounds pretty awesome. Like I said though who needs GTA V when you have Pokemon X and Y. I bet GTA doesn't even have diagonal movement.

Monday 30 September 2013

Mr. White

Well Folks it's been a long ride for those who've traveled with Walter White on his journey from Mr. Chips to Scarface. I'll be sad to see tonights Breaking Bad finale but cant wait to see how it all turns out. I hope Jessie comes out of it a bit better than previous episodes.

Monday 23 September 2013

Wreck-it Miley

I saw that Miley Cyrus video for wrecking ball the other day. Holy crap Miley has really gone full retard. Seems she has a burning desire to remind everyone all of the time that she has boobies and isn't a little girl any more. 'Hey everyone did you see my nipples in Hanna Montana? No? Well you can now! I'm a big girl and that means reminding everyone by pointing foam fingers at peoples penis's at awards shows and sticking my tongue out! I can also preform oral stimulation on a sledge hammer! Look at me now! I'm naked on a Wrecking Ball! That's the name of of the song! I'm so vulnerable and sad because I'm crying and now I'm naked. Did I mention I was naked? Oh and also I'm a big girl now! I can go pee pee by myself.'

Monday 2 September 2013

My Neighbour Totoro

Hey guys today's comic is more of a Monday evening comic than a Monday morning one but that house took me friggin' ages so i'll let myself off.  My Neighbour Totoro for the uninitiated is a Studio Ghibli (i guess they are the Japanese Disney?) film that is just bonkers. 2 girls move to a house in the sticks with their dad and it turns out they live beside a giant rabbit type forest spirit thing who makes a big tree grow and then waits for a bus which turns out to be a many legged cat.....actually I'm not sure how to explain it its just bonkers stuff happening all the time. I't's bizarre and needs to be watched.

Monday 26 August 2013

Who is 'The Batman'?

Ben Affleck eh? I didn't see that coming. To be fair I actually thought the Daredevil movie wasn't awful and Affleck has been making some decent movies lately. Maybe he can do it. There are some things about Christian Bales's performance which aren't the best (like his hilariously gravely voice and his pointy chin rather than the classic square jaw) but he's a terrific Batman. Maybe they've seen something we haven't. He wouldn't have been my first choice but I'll wait and see. Heath Ledger seemed an odd choice for the Joker as I recall. We'll just have to wait and see what the Batfleck has to offer.

Monday 19 August 2013

Worse Than Mormons

I like to think that when these fellas knocked the door, they were asked 'who's there' and they replied 'doctor'. Thus beginning the greatest knock knock joke ever. Dr Who's fine and all, I like the wee police box and the magic pen with the LED on it, But the fans kinda can be crazy though. Its maybe not some much that the fans love it so much, I think its that a) they are usually younger than most geeks/fanboys and b) they have the full might of the BBC to force it night and day on everyone else. They even have a Dr Who proms night, featuring music from the show! On the upside Dr Who is one of the easier characters to dress up as for halloween and they have found the best way to make the recasting of the main character not only make sense but be integral to the show itself. James Bond has never explained any of that and don't say it's a disguise. I've seen what Connery this constitutes as a discuise for 'blending in' to japanese culture.

PS. Suffice to say, my favourite doctor was Rowan Atkinson.

Monday 12 August 2013


This comic obviously works best if you read Xavier's part in Patrick Stewart's voice. Although I'm guessing you did that automatically. Magneto is a douche who ran a group called 'The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants'. This is the worst possible name for a terrorist organisation. When you put the word evil in the title of your group you're probs gonna attract a certain shady individual.

Monday 5 August 2013

The Precious

The Goonies and Lord of the Rings are basically the same story. The only difference is that LOTR takes 3 movies to get there and Goonies takes one. Oh and also Goonies has a pirate ship and a theme song by Cyndi Lauper. As far as I can tell these are the only 2 differences I can see.

Below is a picture of Sean Astin in Goonies and LOTR. Check out the link to see what the Goonies are up to now.  Guess which one of them has grown up to be a martial artist. If you said Data, you'd be racist!

Monday 29 July 2013


So they're making a Robocop reboot (heh heh reboot, get it?) down in ol' Hollywood and in their infinite wisdom they've decided to make it a PG-13. I find that a bit odd. When you think back to the original among the many memorable scenes is Murphy's (spoiler alert) death scene where he is (spoiler alert) blown to pieces in the most terrifying and bloody fashion (it's also (spoiler alert) hilarious). Seems that a lot of the original charm of Robocop was the over the top ultra-violence of a robotic law man blowing criminals to kingdom come. This new one which I will admit has a lot of promising elements to it, Sam Jackson, Michael Keaton for example (and the suit doesn't look too bad either) has wimped out a bit. I reckon they want to sell a lot of Robocop toys and if its able to be shown to kids then they can sell more toys. I worry that they're missing the point a bit though. The R rated attitude of the original is one of its defining features, the bad guys are real sadistic bastards who get their comeuppance in a delightfully theatrical way. Making a PG-13 Robocop is  like a family friendly 'Human Centipede' cartoon. It kinda misses the point.

Monday 22 July 2013

Super Mario Bother

Mario first appeared as Jump man in the first Donkey Kong game. Here he plays a carpenter with a pet ape. Apparently mario 'mistreats the ape' (its all on wikipedia folks, it wouldn't lie to us would it?) so Donkey Kong kidnaps his girlfriend Pauline and throws barrels at him (seems logical). What the hell is going on with that plot? You play a 'carpenter' who owns an 'ape'? If i had an ape i'd be shit scared of that thing. I wouldn't be casually mistreating it like Mario. Animal cruelty = rampaging apes is what this game teaches us if anything. I would have thought the hero in the game would be the mistreated ape rather than jump man. Breaking free of the shackles of slavery and oppression and finding someone to love. Seems Mario's just getting what he deserves. 
This smacks of a game that was made first and then they had to come up with the backstory after. At least it has a story we can understand. You should try playing Halo. I'm not even sure anyone knows whats going on there. Just shoot the aliens that's all you need to know. They stole a pack of cigarettes from the president of space or something.

Monday 15 July 2013

Master Chief vs Master Chef

I'd really like to see Master Chef's Greg Wallace go at it with Halo's Master Chief. I recon Greg would have a good chance. No wait a minute of course he wouldn't. Master Chief would crush him like a bug and blast a hole in his face. But who could be mad at Greg? He's so jolly. Master Chief that's who. Lets hope they never meet. I'll give him Anthony Warroll Thompson's number instead.

Monday 8 July 2013

Popcorn Fail

In reality this wouldn't really work the best would it? You'd be sitting there for ages with your lad in a box of popcorn hoping she'd touch it, then when the movie is over you'd have to somehow get everything back where it should be.

Monday 24 June 2013

Pretty Fly

I have a dog that looks exactly like Seth Brundle from the fly. Actually that's not true he looks nothing like Jeff Goldblum , he looks like Brundlefly. Both man and fly ceased to exist when they stepped into that tele pod and Brundlefly was born. Something like this must have happened when my dog was born too.

Monday 17 June 2013

Gold Digger

I think the joke with this particular song is that Kanye West is actually implying that said woman IS a gold digger. Kanye West (for the uninitiated) is a hilarious music making creature who has just had a baby with one or possibly all of the Kardashians. Hey also has a new album out called Yeezus which is a combination of the word Jesus and Yeezy (which is one of Kanye's nicknames that nobody uses but himself). I get the impression that he thinks if he uses it enough then it'll catch on. I got word for you Kanye no one ever called Prince 'Symbol'. I reckon he calls his wang Yeenis too.

Tuesday 11 June 2013

God Hates Fags

In the interest of free speech I'm unable to look at the Westboro Baptist Church's website '' on Translink's wifi service so this post is made up of information off wikipedia but I'm sure there's plenty more insane hilarious stuff on their website. They are widely described as a hate group and have been quoted as saying things like

'Jews are the real nazis' and ‘All the nations of the world would soon march on Israel', and that they would be 'led by President Barack Obama’ (who is the Antichrist and in league with Satan and the pope in an unholy trinity btw).

They seem to be absolutely OBSESSED with gays and sodomy and the like, OBSESSED. All I'm saying is that anyone I know who's that preoccupied with homosexual activities is gay themselves. People who like to cook generally aren't anorexic, yeah?

They picket all kinds of things to get media attention, mostly funerals (what god would have wanted).
They picketed Michael Jackson's funeral and recorded an adaptation of 'We are the world' called 'God hates the world'. They must have some fun times eh? Making colourful signs with pictures of men bumming on them, thinking up witty slogans and recording pop songs with offencive lyrics. (I hope the Jackson estate got a cut of any money that made). They seem like an all round bunch of swell guys and gals.

Monday 3 June 2013

An Inconvenient Truth

I have pictures to prove this but the government took them off me. They were turning faeries into liquid and doves into soap. I also have pictures of how they make Lion bars, Caterpillar boots and you don't wanna know how they make Red Bull.

Monday 27 May 2013

The Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments are a bit weird. I've posted them below just for reference. If I was making a list of 10 rules for humanity to live by I'd make sure each one was gold. The first three are all bout how insecure he apparently is. The 4th is a day off which is nice. Nice to see we have a holiday in there. Interestingly the commandments weren't issued immediately, so presumably before moses people were just killing and coveting and taking the lord's name all over the place.

You shall have no other gods before me.
You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.
You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.
Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
You shall not murder.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's.

Monday 20 May 2013

Captain America

When Captain America throws his mighty shield! All those who oppose his will will surely yield! That's the words to the old Captain America cartoon theme tune which basically says all must yield to the will of this super soldier or die (kinda). It sounds a bit harsh but yield rhymes with shield so all's good. I always found it weird that Captain america is a drugged up super soldier, it wasn't an accident, he was pumped up with the comics version of super steroids.... it reads more like a super villain origin than a hero. So the only way to grow up big and tough like Hulk Hogan and Captain America is to eat your vitamins and take yer steroids kids!

Monday 13 May 2013

Grammar Nazis

Today's comic is Grammar Nazis! It's got nazis in it so I know it will get more hits than some of my other posts. If I was smart I'd do all of my comics about nazis. There seems to be some sort of weird fascination with Hitler and nazis we just can't stop talking about them or making comics or TV programs about them or ending arguments on the internet by calling the other person a nazi. In computer games and movies  there are 3 types of people that you can just mow down and blow up and no one bats an eye lid. Zombies, Aliens and Nazis. These aren't real people like you or I so you can shoot first and ask questions later.

Monday 6 May 2013


Happy May Day! Today'c comic is a locust so you can just go ahead and enjoy that in all it's glory.
The Prince of Egypt was on TV this morning (the dreamworks cartoon about moses not the actual 'prince' of Egypt). It's actually quite good and not preachy at all. The reason i bring this up is because locusts remind me of 2 things. A Bug's Life and biblical plagues. Here's a link to some explainations for the 10 plagues of egypt. Interesting stuff. 

Monday 29 April 2013

Crimson and Gold

While making this comic I discovered the difference between 'armour' and 'armor'. Americans use armor and the UK uses armour. This would be interesting if it wasn't so dull. Game of Thrones on the other hand is very interesting, as is Iron Man. Here's a few things I learned whilst on line not looking up the difference between armour and armor.

Julian Glover (Grand Maester Pycelle) was in The Empire Strikes Back as General Veers aswell as Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade as Walter Donovan.  Michelle Fairley (Catelyn Stark) was Hermione’s Mum in Harry Potter. Harry Lloyd (who plays Viserys Targaryen ) is the great-great grandson of Charles Dickens.

Most of these came from so check that out for more of the same.
Also here's the Joffery/ Bieber tumbler that's been doing the rounds, just for the lulz.

Monday 22 April 2013

Enemy at the Gates

Loki's helmet always looked a little cumbersome to me. Awesome but impractical. In the comics Thor spoke with like a Shakespearean thing going on, 'Thou hast been slain!' etc. This is a bit weird considering he's a Norse God. Also in the comics I guess they didn't know what to do with him so they gave him an alter ego 'Donald Blake' which is bizarre. Donald is a mild mannered doctor who hits a stick off things to become the 'Thunder God Thor'! When the film came out all the white supremacists were up in arms because the Norse God 'Heimdall' was played by one of those dark skinned fellows 'Idris Elba'. Seems that the KKK are comic fans, I suppose that explains their love of costumes and secret identities. Anyway they boycotted the movie or something because they changed a fictional character's skin colour.

Monday 15 April 2013

The Scarecrow

Welcome to the 150th comic. Please enjoy Batman and The Scarecrow in their epic battleings.
I saw 'Oz: The great and powerful' the other week and it was pretty serviceable, mostly because James Franco is hilarious in anything he's in and because both Mila Kunis and Rachel Weisz are in it. A couple of things have to be said about it though. Quite a lot of cleavage for a kids film and green cleavage at that. Mila Kunis has a big green moon face which (not witch, ha!) is fairly distracting along with said green cleavage. Also Mila kunis has a screechy Meg Griffin voice that doesn't work well when she shouts and she shouts alot in this. This has turned into a bit of a Kunis bashing hasn't it? She's good in other stuff just not as the wicked witch. I'd like to add that the flying 'bellboy' monkey was well done, the other flying monkeys were terrifying and that like most movies, this one was about a half an hour too long.

Monday 8 April 2013


Not my most specific of drawings this one. The penguin thing is pretty much a blue triangle but what's wrong with blue triangles eh? As I type this there is a kid on the train about 10 years old who's rhyming off facts and figures about Carrickfergus and it's castle. 'There's Carrick Castle! It was built round a well in Norman times!' For some reason this is annoying me. He's being precocious and he needs a slap. No one asked for his facts and figures, he's just spouting them so he can feel all grown up and smart. I'm all grown up and smart and it didn't do me any good so someone give that kid a beer and a couple of Jagerbombs and maybe he'll puke up all those useless smarts and he can feel the hangover tomorrow like a real man.

Monday 1 April 2013

The Golem of Liberty

Happy Easter everyone! Enjoy your chocolate representations of the stone that kept Jesus's body trapped in his tomb. I find it weird that France gave America a big statue of a lady with a book and a night light, but I suppose what do you get the country that has everything....

Monday 25 March 2013

Dress Up 2

The first Fantastic Four movie was kinda meh. The thing was a big rubber power rangers villain (this guy is supposed to be able to go toe to toe with The Hulk remember) and Doctor Doom was that guy from Nip Tuck...... the less said about that the better. Chris Evans as the Human Torch was good but lets face was a bit crappy. Fantastic Four 2 was also meh. They had Galactus as a villain but they didn't show him. WTF? This is a giant robot looking' guy with a massive purple helmet (*ahem*) who EATS awesomely insane would that be in a movie? Apparently too awesome for Fox to show us.  Here's how I imagine he should have made his grand entrance in the third act of the movie....

Monday 18 March 2013


I always thought it was weird that Starbucks had that 2 lobster clawed lady as their logo. Then I found out that it was actually a mermaid.....with 2 tails. You can see the original 'starbucks siren' design below (from Is it just me or is the image of a 2 tailed mermaid splaying herself to the world kind of horrific? They did seem to get around the problem of how can you do it with a sexy mermaid if her entire bottom half is a fish tail though. Smart. I also think the fact that starbucks logo is a figure from greek mythology that lures sailors to their death is an odd choice too.

Monday 11 March 2013

Pet Shop

Gremlins was a pretty dark movie, I watched it at Christmas there and an old lady was fired out the top window to her death on a stair lift. Also the story about how Kate's dad died stuck up the chimney at christmas dressed as santa claus was pretty grim. While on the interwebs i found this on wikipedia.

Since its release, some people have criticized Gremlins as being culturally insensitive. Some observers have commented that the film presents gremlins as African Americans. In Ceramic Uncles & Celluloid Mammies, Patricia Turner writes that the gremlins "reflect negative African-American stereotypes" in their dress and behavior. They are shown "devouring fried chicken with their hands", listening to black music, breakdancing, and wearing sunglasses after dark and newsboy caps, a style common among African American males in the 1980s.

Maybe they were wearing sunglasses because they are allergic to sunlight? Maybe they were eating chicken with their hands because cutlery is pretty difficult for gremlins to figure out. Maybe they're just plain racist yo!

Monday 4 March 2013

Titanic Avenged

Last year was the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the RMS Titanic. You would think we would celebrate the year that it was built or something rather than the year it sank but hey they didn't make a movie about that so we'll go with the anniversary of the deaths. That would have been quite a different movie though wouldn't it? Leonardo Dicaprio would be hammering rivets into metal for 2 hours 50 feet in the air with no safety harness and what's her face would be eating sugar plums in the Harland and Wolff offices.

Recently they opened a Museum thing about the titanic in Belfast. Check out Pastiebap's review here.

Monday 25 February 2013

Skullington Boy

Skeletons live inside you. You have 206 bones in your body. This is all I care to say on the matter. If your heath had skeletons you would have little skeletons living in your mouth. If you want to learn more about skeletons go to the wikipedia page, you can see a skeleton man riding a skeleton horse. Thats pretty cool huh?

Monday 18 February 2013

Fallible Infallibility

Pope Eggs Benedict XVI resigned as pope the other day due to health reasons. Is this a sign from god that he doesn't like Ratzinger anymore? Maybe Ratzinger thought he was near death and didn't like the idea of being attacked by the little silver hammer?

'On the death of a pope, the Papal Chamberlain must call out his baptismal name three times and tap his head with a silver hammer before he is officially declared dead'

I found that little nugget of information while googling popes on the inter webs. Interesting stuff. I also found this.

'The most popular papal name has been John, which has been taken by 21 popes. Despite that, the most recent Pope John was John XXIII. The two missing numbers were John XVI, an antipope, and John XX, who never existed but was included in a medieval miscount'.

Who the hell is the anti-pope? Is he some kind of Satan worshiping pope or is it more like anti-pasta? I also found out that while Ratzinger doesn't have a driving licence he does hold a helicopter pilot's licence. 

Monday 11 February 2013

Sick Joke

Tomorrow is pancake tuesday. The day when we all eat pancakes all day long until we become a pancake. In the olden days we used to just put lemon and sugar on our pancakes but now that America has been invented we put maple syrup on them. We also use the finger as an angry gesture when we used to use 2. These are a couple of examples as to how America is slowly influencing our culture. Soon America will stick a flag in our soil and claim us for their own and no one will stop them as we'll all be too busy eating maple syrup pancakes, calling ladybirds 'ladybugs', wrapping leftovers in 'aloominum' foil and thinking about zeebras as we walk along the 'sidewalk'. Our only hope is that the maple syrup thing is actually a canadian influence and that they will stand and fight with us. It's aboot time they sent those mounties into battle anyway.

Friday 1 February 2013

The Good, The Fleg and The Ugly

People said that nothing good came out of 'Fleg Gate'. This however is untrue as the above cartoon came out of it and it looks fantastic! Look at the attention to detail! Black beard's hat even has his own flag on it! How about that eh? The ol' protests and the like about Belfast City Council's decision to only fly the union flag on 'special occasions' was a bit of banter to begin with but now it's just got tiresome. Pirates used to lower their flag to catch ships unawares before boarding and doing their pirate business on the poop deck (robbing the occupants I mean). Maybe we could learn a thing or two from this, maybe not. Maybe we should all design our own individual flags and celebrate our differences! We could fly them on our houses so that people would know if they'd like to pop round. If your flag had Master Chief on it gamers would know that they might like to ring your bell and pop round for some Halo

Monday 28 January 2013

Marie Curie SMASH!

Marie Curie, as you will probably know, is a famous science person. She coined the term radioactivity, discovered radium and participated in the first unicycle marathon (only 2 of these are true). According to the bible, science is evil and this is why when studying radioactivity Marie absorbed a large amount of radiation. According to comic books though this will turn you into a hulk like superhero. Every year I travel to France where Marie Curie is now entombed and wait for her to rise from the grave in her true incredible hulk form and every year I'm disappointed. The drawing above was published in 'Particle Magazine' to show the effects that radiation will have on Marie's body if we only give it enough time.
Marie......I'm still waiting.

Monday 21 January 2013

Hobbit Holes

I saw ‘The Hobbit’ the other day. Pretty good but pretty long too. They could have shaved a good half an hour off the start. Why do hobbits have hairy feet though?, It’s pretty gross and off putting they could shave some off there too never mind the running time. Even the women I’m assuming have the hairy feet I’m guessing. If they shave their legs do they leave the feet or do the whole thing? Would it not look weird to have hairless legs and hairy feet? I think I’d maybe rather be a dwarf. Their women are apparently as hairy as the men though. It’s puzzlement…. I’ve decided just to be a human.