Monday 19 December 2011

Christmas Wish

Well Christmas is upon us again and we can celebrate the birth of Santa Claus. All those years ago when he was born in a stable so bare, with only the reindeer to keep him company. That is until the 3 wise men came with presents and gave him the idea of giving gifts at Christmas time. His bright red hat and coat is a constant reminder of the blood he shed for us on the cross. Absolving us of our sins so that even naughty children can get presents for Christmas.

Thank you santa. Thank you one and all.

Saturday 26 November 2011


Crutches are fun for about ten minutes but once you've pretended that they are machine guns and swung on them a bit, you kind of just want to walk normally again. I drew this comic ages ago but it seemed appropriate to post it now seeing as I'm all fractured and broken.

As an added bonus here's a fun game you can play with crutches if you have a wheel chair.

Tuesday 22 November 2011

Conan the Barber

While off with my fractured leg I happened to watch the new Conan film starring that guy off of Game of Thrones.  The film was an enjoyable enough romp but I couldn't help but think that it was lacking something. A little Mufasa /Darth Vader style giant snake cult leader perhaps? Maybe even a Body building Austrian Govenator. No?

That's when I got to thinking, why have they never made a Conan film where he was a barber? I'm pretty there was a book about it. Seems like they're missing a trick.

Sunday 30 October 2011

Hug Monster

Happy Halloween everyone! This comic is autobiographical and based on an actual event that happened to me a few months back. Blood everywhere, absolute nightmare, ruined a perfectly good pair of trousers.

Saturday 15 October 2011

Mr Benn's Greatest Adventure

All I'm saying is that if a man owns a dress up shop and has a moustache like that, there's bound to be a few SS uniforms in the back.......

Sunday 11 September 2011

Moses and the Burning Bush

Yay! It's another awesome tale from the bible! Before Moses became a hardcore Jew he was a proper bad ass. Just look how he smokes that cigarette! His mum clearly told him not to smoke and yet he does it anyway! Fight the system man, fight the system! He also did a bad murder once.

Exodus 2:12 And he looked this way and that way, and when he saw that there was no man, he slew the Egyptian, and hid him in the sand.

See what I mean? He was a badass! So don't smoke, kids. Smoking is a gateway drug. Gateway to murder.

Monday 29 August 2011

Fashion is Murder

Ever wonder what Leatherface does with all those people he kills? Or why he's driven to kill in the first place? Well it's turns out that he does it to make people think. He's actually a life long member of PETA and a patron of the Arts. He has a vast body of thought provoking works, most of which is about man's cruelty to animals. He has created this bag from fashion designer Versace to make us all think about the exploitation and murder of animals just for something to carry our tampons and make up in. Personally I prefer his earlier work which included an inflatable life boat made from the skin of the survivors of the Titanic.

Wednesday 15 June 2011

Competition Winner

Not many people know that Mike Myers and Micheal Myers are twin brothers. This is primarily because it isn't true. Wouldn't that be a good ending to Halloween though? They unmask him only find out that he's Austin Powers underneath, making way for a sexy new sequel. Or maybe he gets a new sidekick played by Dana Carvey, they could call it Hallo-Wayne's World.

Tuesday 31 May 2011

Pirate Weight Loss

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me! Well no actually. I don't think I'd like to be a pirate. It's long hours and illegal for a start. There's also a distinct lack of oranges and limes. Salt water doesn't taste nice. It's bad luck to have women on board so it'll be a real sausage fest. A pirates life sounds pretty bleak to me and if Muppet's Treasure Island is anything to go by then Cabin fever is pretty likely too. So instead of becoming a pirate I've opted to just listen to Lonely Island's Jack Sparrow song. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate song for me.

Thursday 19 May 2011


Duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duuhhhhhh! Incase you didn't know, that's the theme tune to back to the future. The best part of the back to the future trilogy is the bit where he returns home to gomez with his new wife who turns out to be a serial killer and then Roger rabbit makes him melt because he was really a cartoon all along.....ah good times

Wednesday 4 May 2011

Fight Club

Someone told me once, that you couldn't actually make very good soap out of human fat because the chemical properties of blah blah blah. This kind of spoils the film a bit for me as i can't stop thinking that fight club didn't really happen because you cant make people soap. So the only logical thing to to is hunt down the person who told me this and turn them into people soap, thus restoring the balance to the universe and the credibility of Fight Club.

Friday 29 April 2011


Well as we all know, today is the day day of the royal wedding! What dress will Kate wear? Will she say I do? Will Prince Phillip make an inappropriate comment to a foreign dignitary?
I thought I'd get into the spirit of things too by posting this Star Wars Comic. If I wasn't in work during the wedding I'd be watching Star Wars. Lovely day for a bit of Star Wars.
Oh and in case you where wondering, she'll wear a white one, yes she will and of course he will.

Monday 25 April 2011

Easter Eggs

Happy Easter everyone! What better to celebrate the birth of Zombie Jesus than with a some chocolate eggs.

Tuesday 5 April 2011


This is what terrorist's terror-wrists look like. Unless you're in Northern Ireland in which case they have a balaclava instead of a turban but pretty much the same as this. Horrifying isn't it?

Monday 28 March 2011

Jelly Babies

The concept of jelly babies is a strange one. Everyone loves babies but you know they don't taste so great and also even though they're quite small, they still don't fit totally in your mouth. Thus Jelly babies were born! Bite size babies made of sugary jelly! All the fun of eating a real baby without the hassle of dealing with the authorities!

Monday 21 March 2011


Having never seen the film I can only speculate as to what it is like and then draw a picture of how it could be improved. The dress Satan is wearing is from the summer collection and as you can see it looks terrific on his hourglass figure, highlighting his skin tones perfectly. Lucky for him it came in flame retardant pink.

Tuesday 1 March 2011

Russian Doll

Russian dolls where made to house the spirits of stillborn children. The smallest represents the child in the womb and as time goes on more are made to show the child as if it had lived and then grown up. Pretty creepy huh? well not really cos I made all that up. they were invented to smuggle drugs, the idea being that you would carry hundreds in boxes with the contraband in only some of the dolls. Customs officials would get bored of looking through each individual doll and just allow them all through.

Monday 14 February 2011


Happy Valentines Day everyone! Not much to say about this one but i will direct you to this link below for my free cut out and keep Valentine's Card. Enjoy!

Friday 11 February 2011


Snoopy used to sleep on his dog house a lot. Even in the rain or snow. This was mostly because charlie Brown had murdered his brother Emilio and buried him under the Doghouse. Snoopy saw the whole thing and has been sleeping on the roof ever since to distance himself from the grisly deed. It's all there in the Peanuts Anthology volume II.

Thursday 10 February 2011

Bigger Boat

For some reason I associate 'we're gonna need a bigger boat!' more with the Salsa shark in clerks than with the rubber one in Jaws. They say that if you are attacked by a shark, you should punch it in the nose. This only works though if you have the rest of the jets to back you up. The world of tap and dance is a dangerous place....
Further shark reading:

Wednesday 9 February 2011

Nice Pear

Do pick up lines really work? Will a girl really go home with you if you say the correct combination of cliches and faintly amusing opening lines. Can you really make a connection with someone using recycled jokes instead of your own personality? I would say Yes. With enough WKDs anyone is anyone's and if you didn't contract syphilis, that's a bonus! (If you did, you can at least get yourself on TV by showing your penis to embarrassing bodies. God Bless Television!)

Tuesday 8 February 2011

Allergic Reaction

Someday god willing, we will all be replaced by robots and the world will continue as it is today but with more robots (and less people). They will use their robot minds to clear up this planet that we have so fervently destroyed, they will solve the energy crisis, mend that hole in the ozone layer and most importantly create polar bear sanctuaries in the Arctic. After a while the robots will tire of having to fetch and carry for themselves, so they will start growing humans in tubes and putting them to work. Humans will become so popular that there will be one in every household. Eventually they will become so dependent on us that they wont be able to do anything for themselves. That is when we will strike and take back this world of hours. That's global warming pretty much sorted then.

Thursday 27 January 2011

Toilet Humour

Well I’m not sure about this one, I liked it when I drew it but now I’m not so sure (as I said before). I like the green walls for some reason though. Yeah let’s focus on the good points of this comic. The green walls are fantastic! If I had to mark the walls out of 10, I’d definitely give them an 8. They lost a point for looking a bit like pea soup and also a point for not having graffiti on them, like real toilet walls. Actually the more I think about it. They aren’t great are they? I seemed to have missed a trick here and not thought of some hilarious graffiti for the walls. I could have drawn penises (is that the correct spelling of penises? I don’t usually have to spell it out, it’s not often I need to use the plural of that particular word) on them or phone numbers (for a good time) or something. So yeah I give them a 5 out of ten. Also why are all the people in my comics bald? Just seems like laziness to me. That hand dryer drawing seems questionable to me too. I don’t trust it….

Wednesday 26 January 2011

Lemon and Vinegar

Here's a terrible drawing I did about lemon and vinegar. It seems that whatever state someone's house is in they always appear with lemon juice and vinegar and rub it all over and it comes up all shiny and new. And smelling of vinegar. And Lemon. This would be the main reason i use kitchen spray and stuff like that.

On a lighter note, I saw the big lady on 'Come Dine With Me' and by the looks of things she pretty much has an alcohol problem. Fix that with your lemon and your vinegar.

Thursday 6 January 2011

The Last Unicorn

For some reason Unicorns have always fascinated me and yet I don't like horses. Maybe its the idea that they don't exist that I like or the fact that it's a horse with a spike. Actually yes, I think that must be it. Animal + spike = awesome. There aren't enough animals with spikes these days. Sure there are plenty with horns but some how that's not as good. Rhino's are pretty good and they have spikes and apart from that (it's really a horn though isn't it?) there's the Narwhal. It has a crazy big spike like a unicorn's, right in the middle of it's head. It's probably the greatest animal living today.