Monday 22 December 2014

Cockeye

So we have a trailer for age of ultron and it looks pretty good. Hawkeye even has a big flappy bit on his costume like cockeye does here, hanging down by his legs. My brother Chris and I came up with the idea of cockeye on the train one day much to our amusement. It's taken a while for him to be transformed into a comic but at least we've found a use for hawkeye's old costume. Lets face it, he was never gonna wear that in the movies.
Ok so it's 2 flappy bits but you get what I mean

Monday 15 December 2014

Frozen

What to say about frozen? Huh. Well it doesn't make a lot of sense for one. A good deal of the characters are annoying. That dude keeps doing a voice for his reindeer which is borderline schizophrenic. Theres not a lot of plot or danger (until the end) and Elsa just acts like a bitch for most of it. Why doesn't anyone just explain to the kids that Elsa's power are too dangerous? Why do her parents lock here away from her sister for at least a decade? It's madness, the whole thing. It's got songs though. Songs which will burrow a hole in your head and lay eggs. Cheers for that Disney. Cheers for letting your terrible move lay eggs in my head. Also it's all snowy so it can be categorised as a christmas movie which means it'll be on T.V. somewhere with its stupid ear worm songs every year. Thanks again Disney you dicks.

Monday 3 November 2014

Dr. Strange


So Marvel has their Dr. Strange. First Sherlock then Khan now Strange. Benedict Cumberbatch is an odd name. Its like the most aristocratic of made up names. You couldn't even make it more ridiculous if you double barrelled it or even triple barrelled it. Benedict Cumberbatch-Camden-Jenkins. See? That's not even worse. It might even be better. It makes Englebert Humperdinck look like John Brown.

Monday 20 October 2014

Wampa's Inc.

There are two things I think of when I think of the Wampa from The Empire Strikes Back.
The first is the story that the Wampa attack was created to explain Mark Hamill's facial injuries that he sustained during a car accident. This is apparently not true. The second thing I think of is the Wampug.

Monday 29 September 2014

Children's Violin Lessons

People love an angry mob don't they? Northern Ireland is proof that people love nothing more than to take to the streets and break stuff. Pedophiles give people an excuse too as do paediatricians and Children's violin teachers.

Monday 15 September 2014

Guns

How about that new Avengers film huh? What's that you say? Its been out for over a year? Well I didn't see you making a comic about it when it was in cinemas, its not my fault that my output isn't exactly topical, these things take time, I've been planning my wedding, designing invitations, getting portions of my lungs removed. I've been busy guys, cut me some slack huh? Hawkeye and Black Widow don't exactly fit in the Avengers do they? You could argue that they were there fighting aliens as part of shield but i didn't exactly see anyone else from shield fighting the aliens. I didn't see any army or military either. We did have some cops though and Captain America in his nice blue helmet that makes him look like a penis. Sorry cap but it really does. Aside from any phallic interpretations I thought the film was a lot of fun but what do you care what I think huh? I can't even be bothered to post a comic every Monday never mind one that's topical. Well maybe I'll have one on Scottish independence next week huh? Lets see how you like that!

Coming next Monday: A comic about American Independence (with heavy references to a film starring Will Smith released in 1996)

Monday 11 August 2014

Raccoons

Pocahontas and Guardians of the Galaxy have a lot in common. Both have animated raccoons (Meeko and Rocket) and talking trees (Groot and Grandmother Willow). Ok maybe they don't have a lot in common but it was worth a try. I saw Guardians the other day (thats right I'm on first name terms with a movie, deal with it) and it was as good as expected with an excellent retro 70's soundtrack. Chris Pratt was great as Starlord, big Dave's wooden acting actually suited Drax's character and got a fair few (intentional) laughs. Groot was played by Vin Diesel for some reason, I'm guessing Vinny was just happy to be involved, lets face it I'd do mo cap for Groot for free if needed (although Howard the duck would be more my size) and saying I am Groot 40 times into the microphone isn't all that taxing......

Monday 21 July 2014

Planet of the Apes


That last Planet of the Apes was pretty good, the one with James Franco in it obviously not the Tim Burton one. The Burton one is like a curious little oddity. Not unwatchable but not good by any means. Here's hoping 'Dawn' is just as good as 'Rise' was. When looking up chimpanzees in wikipedia I came across this piece of information. 'Bonobos frequently have sex, sometimes to help prevent and resolve conflicts' I'm thinking that might work for humans too. Maybe on the way home from the pub you can try it if you get into an altercation with some drunken miscreants. Or maybe we just leave them to it.

Monday 16 June 2014

The Bard

Many people believe that Shakespeare's plays were written by someone else. These people are idiots. Shakespeare wasn't as popular as he is today in his own day. Why would someone need Shakespeare to pretend to write their plays? Why is shakespeare barred from every inn and tavern south of the the Thames? Why is his head shaped like an egg? We will never know the answer to any of these questions so its best if we just sit back and enjoy the show......

Monday 2 June 2014

The First Elephant

This is an accurate portrayal of how woolly mammoths became extinct. All the clean shaven mammoths got all the girls. Mammoths faded out and elephants faded in.

Monday 26 May 2014

Death in the family

One of the key ingredients to being a superhero is dead relatives. Then you can go 'Noooooooooo!' and swear vengeance. My homelife's pretty good, no dead parents, I've not been bitten by nuclear insects, or frozen in time. Also I'm not an alien. I guess I'll just have to continue writing and drawing these stupid comics.

Monday 19 May 2014

A matter of perspective

This comic was adapted from a screenplay that was taken from a novelisation of a french film that was inspired by a short story that was based on a dream I dreamed about a conversation I may or may not have had about an email my brother Chris sent me. It's the first comic I think I've made that's been written by someone else. Chris sent me his idea and I used my fair hands to craft it. So if you like it, we thank you. If you don't like it, it's Chris's fault.

Chris Caldwell and my sister Laura run Pastiebap.com a site featuring news, reviews and previews from Northern Ireland. Check it out why don't ya?


Monday 12 May 2014

Matthew Broderick vs Godzilla

I always found it weird that Matthew Broderick was in the Godzilla remake they did in the '90s. Did they spend all the money on the monster and all those velociraptor things it supposedly laid in madison square gardens? I watched it back again a while ago thinking that t wasn't as bad as people said it was. It was. The thin veneer of child hood gone, 1998's Godzilla is a pretty crappy movie. Lets hope 2014's is better. It has Walter White in it, that's a pretty good start. Does it have the voice of Simba and the only live action Inspector Gadget though? Didn't think so......

Monday 5 May 2014

The Force Restrained

So the folks at Disney have decided that anything not episode 1-6 or clone wars is no longer cannon. Meaning all those Star Wars comics or novels you might have read, no longer happened. All those Star Wars games you played? Those stories never happened. Galen Marek (aka Starkiller) was never born. I try not to get too annoyed with these things but I'm sure there's a lot of fan boys out there slitting their wrists. I played the force unleashed games and now according to Mickey, Vaders bad ass apprentice isn't officially recognised as having existed, which is sad. Jar Jar tho? He's safe.

Monday 28 April 2014

Black Kids

Ha! You thought he was being racist didn't you? Shame on you! He was just wanting to clean the boy up as he'd got all dirty playing the football. Or maybe he is racist, maybe he just doesn't like really dark skin? He prefers a lighter shade of brown pigment maybe. I don't know the answer to any of these questions. So don't ask me, ok?

Monday 21 April 2014

Fridge Magneto

There's a new x-men movie out soon. Days of future past. The x-men go traveling to the past or something or maybe the future. I'm not really sure. It's been a while since I read the comic. All I'm concerned about is why they aren't traveling to the the past to remake 'X-men: The last stand' as it was awful. They could remake the first Wolverine movie too. These x-men misusing their time traveling powers to save the world instead of using them to remake crappy movies. I just don't get it.

Monday 14 April 2014

Pachyderms


Pachydermata (meaning 'thick skin') is an obsolete order of mammals at one time recognized by many systematists. Because it is polyphyletic, the order is no longer in use.
That bit's kinda from wikipedia. Pachyderm was used to describe horses, rhino, elephants, hippos etc. It seems weird to me to group horses in with all that but they did. For animals with a thick skin, elephants seem to take offence quite easily.

I was at the zoo one time with my sister when she was really small. We made her wave at the elephants. One elephant swung it's trunk back and forth, we thought it was waving back, it was really just scooping fist sized rock up from the ground to throw at my sisters head. It missed. If anyone ever tells you to stop throwing rocks at elephants, you can tell them I said it's ok. They have thick skins. Unlike human toddlers.
I recommend that you now watch this song about elephants by Evelyn Evelyn., on the youtubes.

Monday 7 April 2014

No Budget Noah

Noah looks like a pretty big budget affair. Darren Aronofsky and Gladiator and Hermione Granger plus some big waves I hear. This is what it would look like if I made it. One crazy man and his boat. You might not be able to see it there but he has a jam jar with 2 wasps in it. He'll probably release them when he gets attacked by a shark.

Monday 31 March 2014

Calling in a favour

Comic about geography textbook factory during annex of crimea by russia
What happens when you have Vladmir Putin in your debt? What happens when he owes you one favour? I would suspect that you'd get to take a look at Hitler's skull in the Kremlin's vaults or that you could call in an air strike on some childhood bullys. That's not Leroy's style though. He just wants to do an honest days work for an honest days pay. Even if it does mean changing the geopolitical landscape.

Friday 14 February 2014

Mellow Yellow

Well the Lego movie is out and doing well by all accounts, I've yet to see it but it looks like a lot of fun. Chris Pratt, Will Ferrell, Morgan Freeman, Will Arnett, Charlie Day, Nick Offerman and Elizabeth Banks doing voice work. The animation  looks good too, not too slick. It looks like it was animated by stop motion even though it was computer animated. There's not a lot more to say about a movie I haven't seen so I just hope you enjoy my pee based comic about lego dudes, featuring Benny and Emmet from the movie. If it's yellow, let it mellow.

Monday 6 January 2014

Ice is Bach

Some facts about Vanilla Ice:
His real name is not Vanilla Ice (shocker) or Matthew Van Winkle. (It's Rob Van Winkle).  He tried to commit suicide with a heroin overdose.  In 1991 he was arrested for threatening a homeless man with a pistol (he had the pistol not the homeless man, he's not crazy)
Some facts about Bach:
He fathered 20 children, pulled a sword on a bassoonist, was jailed for disrespecting the Duke of Weimar and wrote the sheet music for 'Drop it like it's hot'.
So, who's more gangsta? I'll let you decide.
(I may have made one of the facts up)