Skullington Boy

Skeletons live inside you. You have 206 bones in your body. This is all I care to say on the matter. If your heath had skeletons you would have little skeletons living in your mouth. If you want to learn more about skeletons go to the wikipedia page, you can see a skeleton man riding a skeleton horse. Thats pretty cool huh? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeletons

Fallible Infallibility

Pope Eggs Benedict XVI resigned as pope the other day due to health reasons. Is this a sign from god that he doesn't like Ratzinger anymore? Maybe Ratzinger thought he was near death and didn't like the idea of being attacked by the little silver hammer?

'On the death of a pope, the Papal Chamberlain must call out his baptismal name three times and tap his head with a silver hammer before he is officially declared dead'

I found that little nugget of information while googling popes on the inter webs. Interesting stuff. I also found this.

'The most popular papal name has been John, which has been taken by 21 popes. Despite that, the most recent Pope John was John XXIII. The two missing numbers were John XVI, an antipope, and John XX, who never existed but was included in a medieval miscount'.

Who the hell is the anti-pope? Is he some kind of Satan worshiping pope or is it more like anti-pasta? I also found out that while Ratzinger doesn't have a driving licence he does hold a helicopter pilot's licence. 

Sick Joke

Tomorrow is pancake tuesday. The day when we all eat pancakes all day long until we become a pancake. In the olden days we used to just put lemon and sugar on our pancakes but now that America has been invented we put maple syrup on them. We also use the finger as an angry gesture when we used to use 2. These are a couple of examples as to how America is slowly influencing our culture. Soon America will stick a flag in our soil and claim us for their own and no one will stop them as we'll all be too busy eating maple syrup pancakes, calling ladybirds 'ladybugs', wrapping leftovers in 'aloominum' foil and thinking about zeebras as we walk along the 'sidewalk'. Our only hope is that the maple syrup thing is actually a canadian influence and that they will stand and fight with us. It's aboot time they sent those mounties into battle anyway.

The Good, The Fleg and The Ugly

People said that nothing good came out of 'Fleg Gate'. This however is untrue as the above cartoon came out of it and it looks fantastic! Look at the attention to detail! Black beard's hat even has his own flag on it! How about that eh? The ol' protests and the like about Belfast City Council's decision to only fly the union flag on 'special occasions' was a bit of banter to begin with but now it's just got tiresome. Pirates used to lower their flag to catch ships unawares before boarding and doing their pirate business on the poop deck (robbing the occupants I mean). Maybe we could learn a thing or two from this, maybe not. Maybe we should all design our own individual flags and celebrate our differences! We could fly them on our houses so that people would know if they'd like to pop round. If your flag had Master Chief on it gamers would know that they might like to ring your bell and pop round for some Halo

Marie Curie SMASH!

Marie Curie, as you will probably know, is a famous science person. She coined the term radioactivity, discovered radium and participated in the first unicycle marathon (only 2 of these are true). According to the bible, science is evil and this is why when studying radioactivity Marie absorbed a large amount of radiation. According to comic books though this will turn you into a hulk like superhero. Every year I travel to France where Marie Curie is now entombed and wait for her to rise from the grave in her true incredible hulk form and every year I'm disappointed. The drawing above was published in 'Particle Magazine' to show the effects that radiation will have on Marie's body if we only give it enough time.
Marie......I'm still waiting.

Hobbit Holes

I saw ‘The Hobbit’ the other day. Pretty good but pretty long too. They could have shaved a good half an hour off the start. Why do hobbits have hairy feet though?, It’s pretty gross and off putting they could shave some off there too never mind the running time. Even the women I’m assuming have the hairy feet I’m guessing. If they shave their legs do they leave the feet or do the whole thing? Would it not look weird to have hairless legs and hairy feet? I think I’d maybe rather be a dwarf. Their women are apparently as hairy as the men though. It’s puzzlement…. I’ve decided just to be a human.

Board Games

I've been watching a lot of Breaking Bad recently on Netflix and it occurred to me that you don't see a lot of people called Walter anymore. Also, the elements from the periodic table look like Scrabble tiles for cheaters. Scrabble of course is a gateway game, first you play it with a couple of friends for an hour maybe, no big deal, I can stop when I want to. Then before you know it you're organising games nights every Sunday and sitting up 'til 4 playing Monopoly 'the game without end'. You want to stop but you've played for 6 hours already and to give up now would just make all those hours meaningless. So you continue on, envious of each player who goes bankrupt one by one and gets to go home to bed. 'I bet they went bankrupt on purpose' you think to your self. 'look at him, the coward taking the easy way out. What a flake, I don't even know if I can call him a friend anymore'. You carry on long into the night until you ultimately win or lose. Both feel hollow. You've had no sleep for 22 hours, no food for 10, the sound of the dice still rattling in your ears and all you can think about is how much you want to play Mousetrap next sunday but you no longer have any friends......

Frankin-senseless

Merry Christmas everyone! I was reading up on the 3 wise men and the nativity and all that business and found out a couple of things. Apparently there probably wasn't 3 wise men, they gave 3 gifts but apart from that the bible doesn't say jack else. Some eastern religions claim up to 12 wise men. It doesn't even say they were kings. so that spoils that christmas carol then........ It also says when they came into the house (not stable) they saw the young child (not baby) and fell down and worshipped him. They where a bit late to the party then. They didn't arrive at the stable with the shepherds, they must have come to the house warming party and met the young toddler jesus not the cute baby jesus. Does this mean that Christmas is all full of crap and there's no point celebrating it? Well if your Crimbo is centred around the 3 wise men then yes. If your christmas is about presents and turkey and nice big glug of booze with the family then no. I know which one I prefer to celebrate.

Secret Ingredients

Another Monday, another comic. The other day I was on the train and overheard some 15 year olds waxing philosophical on all kinds of topics. They talked about how the government 'didn't want to legalise pot because they couldn't tax it'. They said 'you can tax booze and fegs' as you 'can't make them yourself at home'. As they continued with their intellectual debate, they decided to try and create the perfect woman. 'Pixie lat's legs' (I take it they mean Pixie Lott), 'Rihanna's bady' (body) and 'Be-yancy's arse' (Beyonce?). Quite the woman I'm sure you'll agree, although what worries me is that they have no plans for giving her any arms or head. Creepy. I've added a mockup I did of what it might look like....i think they might be on to something......

Saturday the 14th

What does Jason Voorhees do on his days off? You know, when it's not Friday the 13th? He's a big guy who just won't stop. That's determination for. That's commitment. Sports is the perfect outlet for all that physicality he's got pent up, plus he already has that hockey mask. The problem though is that if the crowd start chanting, 'kill kill kill!', then he might actually whip out the machete and start chopping' heads.